Five observations. Zero personal attacks.
Submit your store URL. Get a funny, specific AI critique of your homepage’s copy, layout, and trust signals. We roast the storefront—not the person building it.
AI storefront reality check
Your store needs
a roast.
Then a rescue.
Visitors arrive. Sales don’t follow. Get five funny, specific observations about your homepage—then turn the critique into copy and fixes you can actually use.
Private by default. Sharing is always your call.
Cart Roast / first impressionsAI, not analytics
A little heat. A clearer storefront.
New here? Here’s our promise.
Private unless you share Critique the store, not you No conversion promises
From ouch to actionable
The joke is free.
The fixes mean business.
Built for independent e-commerce owners who need a fresh pair of eyes, not an agency retainer.
Illustrative roast → practical fix
“Your headline says everything. Except what you sell.”
The fix: lead with the product, who it’s for, and one concrete reason to choose it.
An honest first-impression scorecard.
See how your homepage comes across at a glance. Keep the scorecard private or share it with a ‘My store got roasted. Yours next.’ invitation. It’s an AI assessment, not measured conversion performance.
Less guessing. More fixing.
Go beyond the punchline with a paid audit or fix kit: rewritten headlines, product descriptions, FAQs, and a prioritized checklist. Choose the human-reviewed implementation plan for help deciding what to tackle first.
Starter offers
Start with the roast.
Choose the level of help you need. These are launch prices being tested—not a promise of results.
The roast
Five specific observations + a shareable first-impression scorecard.
FreeThe detailed audit
A closer look at your storefront, with rewritten copy and practical recommendations.
$29The fix kit
Rewritten headlines, product descriptions, FAQs, a prioritized checklist, and a human-reviewed implementation plan.
$99Free
For individuals getting started
$0/month
- 1 workspace
- Up to 3 team members
- Basic analytics
- Community support
Your homepage can take it
A better store starts
with an honest look.
Bring your URL. We’ll bring the critique—and a path from punchline to practical improvement.
Get my free roast
No public shaming. No obligation to upgrade.